S1E3 Porky de Bergerac

I actually vaguely remembered this episode. For some reason, I thought it came later in the season.

Stevie comes out of her office (room?), to see the common room is a littered with actual garbage.

I find it weird we see an extra with the lesbian hair cut Stevie (still has) and Jalessa had last episode, because Jalessa's hair magically grew. No, she got a weave. I have no idea how she afforded it on her cafeteria salary.

Jaleesa helps Stevie clean the mess, which she attributes to Denise. Denise comes down and is late for class. So, she can't help. I was right. Jaleesa comments that Denise stinks to which she comments she's also a perfume thief.

Denise is in love with a guy she barely knows. Despite Jaleesa demanding Denise buy her more perfume, Whitley comes down and comments the perfume does stink. She's wearing red and black. Rocking a mini Chanel purse. She does her best to “help” clean up.

My maid usually does this for me.

She asks Stevie to be dorm monitor while calling her child unruly. She outright calls him unruly. I love that bitch. Stevie wants an election. She does seem pissed Whitley called T.J unruly.

I'll show you unruly.

Cut to the Pitt. Maggie, Jaleesa, and Denise discuss the boy she likes. Denise is pissed he cut class. Which is weird, because she explains to Jaleesa and Maggie she had no intentions of actually asking him out or making any moves. I guess she just wants to stalk him like Dwayne stalks her. Maggie encourages her to make the first movie. Jaleesa says she asked a boy out on the phone. She reveals it was her ex. Maggie mentions they are divorced but then back tracks. I want to mention, not only did it end a divorce but a lesbian hair cut as per episode two. Funny enough, Denise even mentions Dwayne when explaining why she doesn't want to make the first move. Jaleesa tries to give her confidence, but Maggie keeps accidentally putting salt in her game. I'm starting to think Maggie is a bit shady. I can't remember my first impression of Maggie when I first saw season one, because she is mostly annoying and forgettable. 

Another thing I've been noticing. I just have to mention. When Denise is in a scene with someone else, they always cut to her and then the other person/people. Look at this shot followed by this shot. This only happens with Denise. When other characters are together, they don't get these sort spotlight for lack of a better term.

Whitley is hanging up her dorm monitor campaign poster. The dorm's name is Gilbert. At first the sign looked like something a schizophrenic makes to remember who they are.

Who am I? Where am I?

Despite his “unruly”ness , Whitley enlisted T.J to help her. He apparently is dyslexic. Don't worry, his appearance is short.

Denise is pissed at the idea of Whitley Gilbert monitoring the dorms, because she can't follow rules. She tries to get Maggie to run, but despite being there a week, she's already involved in “five clubs and president of the classical tragedy society”.

Jalessa enters with one of the pralines Whitley is giving out. I'd vote for her. Bitch is giving pralines and chocolates. Before Jaleesa can be roped in, she senses something is a foot and tells them to fuck off.

They plead their case. Jaleesa explains she doesn't want the job, because it's shitty and it's snitching. Snitches get stitches.  

Snitches get stitches and end up in ditches! 

They try reverse psychiatry, but since they're morons Jaleesa doesn't fall for it. However, Whitley coming in with victory pralines and hubris makes Jaleesa decide to run. Whitley's outfit looks fab without the red sweater. I actually like Denise's outfit. I hate how it bares midriff when she stretches and don't like the leggings.

Whitley gives a boring speech and quotes a Diana Ross song. TJ is unruly and rides a toy.

Move out da way!

Denise nominates Jaleesa as candidate. In her own words, she's a good choice because she's the exact opposite of her.

Instead of a speech, Jaleesa does a question and answer session. We see the lesbian extra again. Whitley is pissed it's going well. Denise, for not running herself, is being a huge bitch to Whitley.

She's showing off her best move.

Just when I thought Dwayne wasn't in this episode, he walks in uninvited. Stevie promptly kicks him out. It feels like a PSA to show he's still on the show and still a rapist/stalker.

Remember me?

She does a Johnny Cochran style rhyming session. It boils down to anyone being a pig will have to wear a pig nose for a day.

Whitley gets a few votes, but Jaleesa wins by a landslide. Denise obnoxiously raises two hands. Whitley loses her shit. Everyone is delirious in chanting of “PIGNOSE!!!!!!”. This starting to look like Sesame Street on crack.

Denise asks Michael out while eating pizza. Not because she's a thoughtless bitch, she is, but it's a plot device He accepts. I don't know why anyone would want to go on a date with her. I also find it weird she invites him to a wine and cheese tasting hosted by a professor. It seems weird a professor would invited student without checking if they're 21. Being a sophomore, she should be about 19.

Whitley enters the common room the next day to find the pizza box and ants.

Whitley, like the true HBIC she is, enters the room. Wakes up Maggie and Jaleesa and demands Denise be made to wear the pig nose.

Maggie tries to guilt trip Jaleese, but before we can see how she feels about it the pig walks in. Denise doesn't deny doing it. She also outright tells Jaleesa she wants special treatment. Denise is being Denise. Forgetting she was the one who made Jaleesa run.

Bitch, please.

Jaleesa's not taking her shit. Maggie keeps talking about tragedies. I can't believe she lasted a whole season. Denise remembers she had a date, but Jaleesa doesn't care. She realizes Denise has been doing this inconsiderate stuff her whole life. Denise puts on the pig nose.

When leaving, she sees Whitley. OMG! Whitley is rewearing an outfit from episode two. Scandalous.

Dem legs!

Denise tries to hide her pignose while in the library. Dwayne comes in and even he is repulsed. Despite this, he does defend her when some extras laugh at her. He even volunteers to help her cancel her date with Michael. She's fine with him doing her bidding, but when he wants her to hang out she turns him down. Being a stalker, he's not deterred.

Michael shows up for their date. Denise pretends she's someone else. I find it weird she wants to go out on a date with a guy who doesn't even know what she looks like. Maggie comes in wearing a pig nose and almost blows her cover. Again, she's pretending it's on accident. I think Maggie is just shady.

Dwayne comes in and tries to make Michael think Denise doesn't like him.

Denise explains the situation to Michael. He's really understanding. He even borrows Maggie's pignose. I think he wants to get laid. Five minutes ago, he had no idea who Denise was. Denise goes off with him. I hope she did put out.

Dwayne is upset he was turned down.

Denise comes back with Michael/Maggie's pignose. Jaleesa teases her. We find out she didn't put out Michael. What a bitch. If my clothes were as disheveled as her's, I'd be putting out all the time. Never mind for a guy who was genuinely nice. Denise actually quotes her idol, porky pig.

That's not all, folks. I find it really weird everyone finds the pig nose so repulsive. It sort of reminds me of that movie, Penelope. I thought both Denise and Penelope looked cute in their pig noses. It's college. A time to experiment and be wild. I just find the students at Hillman are really mild and easily shocked and appalled.