S1 E5 War of the Words

Jaleesa wakes up to Dwayne's voice. No, he's not planning on raping her. He's filling in for the campus MC. On the radio, he tells girls to run around naked. I like how last episode, he was almost kicked out for antics and he hasn't changed. He dedicates a song to Denise without naming her.

Jalessa had a dream the Cos was raping her.

Maggie tells us about her shitty dream and how stupid she is. It's all a ploy to introduce her long distance boyfriend Mike.

DARTS OF FIRE IN MY BRAIN! STABBING ME!!!!!

Denise is happy it's Friday. Friday she doesn't do any thing. How is that different from any other day?

Dwayne is back at Gilbert. I guess Stevie is too busy watching TJ to do her job. He's pretending to be famous and exchanges unpleasantries with Whitley. None of this make sense considering what took place last episode. Denise seems to think Dwayne did a good job despite embarrassing her on air.

We go to the debate club. Professor Lawrence is played by Kean Ivory Wayans. Which is weird, because you would think the Cos wouldn't want someone from In Living Color on his show. He shades his students techniques including his real sister who he brought along. She plays Allison the Snake Charmer.

First GIF. You're welcome!

We also meet Millie who is Whitley's sidekick. She's bland and forgettable.

Call me big daddy when you back that ass up.

Whitley's topic is women who are mothers and work. Denise gets offended. Her mother is a bitch. I mean laywer. Maggie and Jaleesa more articulately disagree with Whitley's statement. Maggie is decided to debate against Whitley. She choices Denise as her reserve. I guess the professor knew Denise would do a terrible job.

At the Pitt, Allison and the lesbian extra on a date. Dwayne is harassing them with his radio career. We meet Marvin who is Damon Waynes. His character is a hypocrite and unfunny. He tells Dwayne he can be on if he finds an event to cover.

I'm gonna eat you like this sandwich.

Denise, Jaleesa, and Maggie are working on the debate. Dwayne doesn't care and bothers them until he realizes he can use the debate to get back on the radio.

Cue Mike who is as bland and white as Maggie. Despite this and him being male, Dwayne wants attention from him. Tries to impress him with his radio gig. Cue the music to Brokeback Mountain.

I'm going to go on a fishing trip with Dwayne if you don't marry me!

Later that night, Mike tells Maggie he's giving up law school to become a pork salesmen. Even she knows that's stupid. He asks he to move to Washington, D.C. With him. She acts like there's no school in the nation's capitol as good as Hillman.

He then reveals he wants to marry while talking like a robot. Which makes sense. Why would a human want to marry Maggie?!

Talk dirty to me with your funny robot voice.

Maggie comes back from a run and Jaleesa and Denise try to dissuade her from marrying. Even she realizes Mike is probably the best she can do. Denise realized Washington is better than Hillman, but Jaleesa knows Maggie's flighty ass will probably get a divorce even from a robot. Maggie can't decide and goes on another run. For a runner, she sure has a fat belly.

Maggie is taking fashion advice from the Great Pumpkin.

We see Whitley working out in her room while Dwayne announces the upcoming debate. Jasmine Guy can make some really expressive faces.

Before heading to the debate, Mike badgers Maggie about his proposal. I'm starting to think he wants to sell her into white slavery. Maggie is still unsure either way. He tells her about this great apartment he found while Whitley overhears. He says he put a deposit on it and Maggie loses her shit.

Cut to the debate. Whitley seems dressed a little too causally for a debate. I only like Maggie's and Millie's outfits. Denise is rocking a tie Avril Levigne style. Jaleesa looks okish. It's only hitting me NOW how weird (and unfair?) it is that Whitley's team as two people and Maggie's has three.

She claims women shouldn't work, because they'll accidentally kill people because they can't balance their work and home life. Her lapdog is the only clapping.

That's what happened to Malaysian Airline Flight 370!

Maggie's speech starts out strong, until she sees Mike and loses her shit and basically turns down the chance to be sold into the sex trade. I mean, marriage.

This looks like a different guy.

Whitley gives a flamboyant rebuttal. Maggie can't give her rebuttal, because she's emotionally drained. Denise takes her place and gives a little rebuttal with little emotion. She looks and sounds high. She skips facts for an anecdotal story of her own family. What's so special about them? It's not like they have their own tv show. ;) Maggie and Mike get the hint.

La dah dah dah dah

Maggie's team wins. Dwayne goes to hug Denise, but is dissed.

Why can't he just get a hint? Maggie and Mike probably go to have sex as she's not back when we cut back to the dorm room. She makes it in 4 minutes before curfew. I still think they knocked boots.

The beginning of the mating ritual of annoying white people.

They're still together and decide to wait to get married. You kbow until, like Mike actually has a ring. They decided to name their first born Denise and if it's a boy, Jaleesa. I told you that lesbian haircut was a bad idea.