Good Bye

I hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving. I've been debating on this for almost two weeks now. I've come to the conclusion that I can't run this blog in good faith any more knowing the accusations against Mr. Cosby. You don't need a tv show to raise up. Find a role model in real life. If you can't, find someone who's a mess and learn from their mistakes. If they go left, go right. If they go down, you go up. This is not the last of me. This is the last of this blog. I will be back soon with a new project.

S1 E5 War of the Words

Jaleesa wakes up to Dwayne's voice. No, he's not planning on raping her. He's filling in for the campus MC. On the radio, he tells girls to run around naked. I like how last episode, he was almost kicked out for antics and he hasn't changed. He dedicates a song to Denise without naming her.

Jalessa had a dream the Cos was raping her.

Maggie tells us about her shitty dream and how stupid she is. It's all a ploy to introduce her long distance boyfriend Mike.

DARTS OF FIRE IN MY BRAIN! STABBING ME!!!!!

Denise is happy it's Friday. Friday she doesn't do any thing. How is that different from any other day?

Dwayne is back at Gilbert. I guess Stevie is too busy watching TJ to do her job. He's pretending to be famous and exchanges unpleasantries with Whitley. None of this make sense considering what took place last episode. Denise seems to think Dwayne did a good job despite embarrassing her on air.

We go to the debate club. Professor Lawrence is played by Kean Ivory Wayans. Which is weird, because you would think the Cos wouldn't want someone from In Living Color on his show. He shades his students techniques including his real sister who he brought along. She plays Allison the Snake Charmer.

First GIF. You're welcome!

We also meet Millie who is Whitley's sidekick. She's bland and forgettable.

Call me big daddy when you back that ass up.

Whitley's topic is women who are mothers and work. Denise gets offended. Her mother is a bitch. I mean laywer. Maggie and Jaleesa more articulately disagree with Whitley's statement. Maggie is decided to debate against Whitley. She choices Denise as her reserve. I guess the professor knew Denise would do a terrible job.

At the Pitt, Allison and the lesbian extra on a date. Dwayne is harassing them with his radio career. We meet Marvin who is Damon Waynes. His character is a hypocrite and unfunny. He tells Dwayne he can be on if he finds an event to cover.

I'm gonna eat you like this sandwich.

Denise, Jaleesa, and Maggie are working on the debate. Dwayne doesn't care and bothers them until he realizes he can use the debate to get back on the radio.

Cue Mike who is as bland and white as Maggie. Despite this and him being male, Dwayne wants attention from him. Tries to impress him with his radio gig. Cue the music to Brokeback Mountain.

I'm going to go on a fishing trip with Dwayne if you don't marry me!

Later that night, Mike tells Maggie he's giving up law school to become a pork salesmen. Even she knows that's stupid. He asks he to move to Washington, D.C. With him. She acts like there's no school in the nation's capitol as good as Hillman.

He then reveals he wants to marry while talking like a robot. Which makes sense. Why would a human want to marry Maggie?!

Talk dirty to me with your funny robot voice.

Maggie comes back from a run and Jaleesa and Denise try to dissuade her from marrying. Even she realizes Mike is probably the best she can do. Denise realized Washington is better than Hillman, but Jaleesa knows Maggie's flighty ass will probably get a divorce even from a robot. Maggie can't decide and goes on another run. For a runner, she sure has a fat belly.

Maggie is taking fashion advice from the Great Pumpkin.

We see Whitley working out in her room while Dwayne announces the upcoming debate. Jasmine Guy can make some really expressive faces.

Before heading to the debate, Mike badgers Maggie about his proposal. I'm starting to think he wants to sell her into white slavery. Maggie is still unsure either way. He tells her about this great apartment he found while Whitley overhears. He says he put a deposit on it and Maggie loses her shit.

Cut to the debate. Whitley seems dressed a little too causally for a debate. I only like Maggie's and Millie's outfits. Denise is rocking a tie Avril Levigne style. Jaleesa looks okish. It's only hitting me NOW how weird (and unfair?) it is that Whitley's team as two people and Maggie's has three.

She claims women shouldn't work, because they'll accidentally kill people because they can't balance their work and home life. Her lapdog is the only clapping.

That's what happened to Malaysian Airline Flight 370!

Maggie's speech starts out strong, until she sees Mike and loses her shit and basically turns down the chance to be sold into the sex trade. I mean, marriage.

This looks like a different guy.

Whitley gives a flamboyant rebuttal. Maggie can't give her rebuttal, because she's emotionally drained. Denise takes her place and gives a little rebuttal with little emotion. She looks and sounds high. She skips facts for an anecdotal story of her own family. What's so special about them? It's not like they have their own tv show. ;) Maggie and Mike get the hint.

La dah dah dah dah

Maggie's team wins. Dwayne goes to hug Denise, but is dissed.

Why can't he just get a hint? Maggie and Mike probably go to have sex as she's not back when we cut back to the dorm room. She makes it in 4 minutes before curfew. I still think they knocked boots.

The beginning of the mating ritual of annoying white people.

They're still together and decide to wait to get married. You kbow until, like Mike actually has a ring. They decided to name their first born Denise and if it's a boy, Jaleesa. I told you that lesbian haircut was a bad idea.

S1E4 Those Who Can't Tutor

Everyone is boogeying at the Pitt, including people with trays of food.

Dwayne is even trying to get lesbians. Cue the lesbian extra, AGAIN.

Maggie is now on the Hillman Chronicle. She interviews Dwayne who wants to fight the power, until she uses his name. Whitley agrees with the dorm rules and doesn't have time for unrulyness.

FIGHT DA POWER!

Denise and Jaleesa are interviewed and we find out the girl with a gpa below 2.0 is getting a D. I'm surprised she's not getting an F. Jaleesa and Maggie try to cheer her up. Maggie is being shady again and suggesting Denise may never get it. Spoilers, she actually never does get it. Maggie is then like “Fuck you, my editor gave me a deadline. I can stop pretending I care”. Jaleesa gets her french fries.

I actually like Denise's outfit. I wish more of her outfits were like this. With just a hint of uniqueness. 

Whitley offers her help. We get to check out her outfit.

Ugly purse

Cut to their dorm. Maggie shows Jaleesa her article and acts retarded. Denise reveals she's getting a tutor. Hence, the episode's title. Maggie bugs her about her article. Jaleesa does a terrible impression of Whitley's accent while quoting her. Because they're morons, Denise and Jaleesa believe her when she makes a joke about something Whitley didn't say.

I knew Denise and Maggie were plotting against Jaleesa from day one.

Dwayne is Denise's tutor. Denise doesn't believe him, because on top of being a raptist/stalker he also commits fraud by pretending to be an official tour guide. He claims it was fun. She asks him a question and he proves he's good at math. Despite this, Denise still doesn't trust him. I don't blame her. I wouldn't want to be in close quarters alone with him either. 

The formula is not subtract the clothes, add the bed, divide the legs, and multiple.

However, she believe his card. One he could have made himself.

I made that shit at Kinkos.

Time has shown to  have passed and she's just as stupid as before. I'm guessing by her fashion choices and refusal to confirm, she has some type of Autism. She does remember some of his ghetto formulas, though. So much time has passed, they've missed curfew and he's locked in the dorm. Denise being Denise, she's only worried about her parents being called. Not how it will affect Dwayne who was helping her.

He plans to use a fire escape, but it's outside of Whitley's room. Despite being hesitant, Denise thinks he could do it because Whitley listens to crickets and wears a sleep mask. Dwayne admits he rapes girls and then sneaks out of their rooms. Knowing his stalker/rapist ways, Denise has no problems with him going into Whitley’s room.

They walks down the hall like two retards, because the writers/directors/SOMEONE thought it was funny at the time.

Whitley is asleep and listening to a tape of waves. Dwayne busts in and is oddly scared by seagull sounds. While nuisances and food thieves, seagulls aren't really a threat.

Seagulls: Preventing rape since 1988

Whitley talks in her sleep about sunblock. She also dreams about capsizing. Dwayne makes it out to be discovered by Stevie.

I hope she hasn't seen Back To The Future

I guess Dwayne saw BTTF, he uses the excuse of George McFly: he's not a pervert. He's a bird watcher. I'm guessing Stevie saw BTTF and sees he's just a stalker/raper. I find it weird Denise didn't tell her she was expecting a tutor.

Walter comes in. Things are going to improve. Sinbad was really good as Walter. I wish she would have called the police instead.

Dwayne won't dime out Denise, but he allows Stevie and Walter to think he was in Whitley's room. He tries the BTTF line on Walter. Stevie informs him there will be a hearing.

Stevie comes into Whitley's room while Strangers in the Night is playing on her radio. Whitley is confused when Stevie talks about Dwayne being in her room. She insults her by calling her a divorcee. Whitley also says she's a virgin and loses her shit over being accused of bumping uglies with Dwayne.

Stevie is pissed and tells her she'll see her in her apartment for a hearing. Cut to the lesbian extra who was ease dropping.

I bet she was leaving a booty call.

Cut to the Pitt. Everyone is gossiping about Whitley, because of Loose Lips.

Jaleesa looks a little too excited at that finger.

Denise walks in and thinks everyone is talking about her B+, but Jalesesa brings her into reality. They're all talking about the drama she caused. Jaleesa reveals she's going to be extra tough on Whitley and Maggie shades her.

All the men clap at Dwayne when he enters the Pitt. They also bark at him. He thinks he's cool because he's ruined a virgin's reputation.

He also kicks puppies. Hence, the barking.

Whitley looks ravishing in red. I would say it was picked to show her as a scarlet woman, but she wears red often.

Whitley is fierce even doing a walk of shame.

The men say rude things to her. Denise comes over to Whitley who is really upset. Whitley says Dwayne should clear her name (because it's the truth) and Dwayne acts like he's suffering. Dwayne says he was in her room, and Whitley slaps him. How Zsa Zsa Gabor, but he did deserve it. If it were me, he'd be castrated.

After the slap two guys high five. I'm not sure if they're high fiving because they're white, gay, or know Dwayne.

Denise feels bad for Dwayne who charmingly reveals this isn't the first time he's been slapped.

Cut to the Gilbert Hall. Denise and Maggie are folding laundry. Something I find more shocking than coed sex. Maggie is acting like Long Island trash. I hope her annoying accent way of acting ghetto goes away.

Just the act of folding clean laundry makes Denise sick.

Whitley is late and Dwayne looses his shit. On a side note, what is with all the blue in this episode?

YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!

Whitley comes in a pure white outfit and says she's been donating to good will. Jaleesa throws shade at Whitley. Whitley claims she can sleep through anything (which is actually true). Dwayne is laughing at this. The implied joke he raped her while she slept. 

For a virginal dress, the top is pretty sheer.

Dwayne explains he was just passing through, but still won't dime out Denise. Walter says Dwayne has poor character, but he doubts they had sex. Dwayne objects for some reason. Stevie gets pissed. Denise comes in and Dwayne tries to send her away. I get he could give two shits about Whitley, but he's protecting Denise when he could kicked out of school for this. Spoilers, I can't believe Whitley would marry him after this.

Ugly outfit, but at least it breaks up all the blue.

Despite confessing, Whitley shades Denise. I don't blame her. She should have came forward earlier. Despite Stevie not knowing about the tutoring, Walter claims he knew. Stevie genuinely apologizes. Whitley accepts, but she wants an apology in the school newspaper. Whitley is a true lady as she leaves asap. If it were me, I'd sit around for the drama.  

I want to classify this as a very special episode, but it's sort of not. It deals with those sort things special episodes usually do. Instead of doing the right thing, they slut shame a virgin. It's basically said that any sex was not consensual. Whitley could have been raped and no one cares and no real authorities are involved. The episode is mildly disturbing. 

S1E3 Porky de Bergerac

I actually vaguely remembered this episode. For some reason, I thought it came later in the season.

Stevie comes out of her office (room?), to see the common room is a littered with actual garbage.

I find it weird we see an extra with the lesbian hair cut Stevie (still has) and Jalessa had last episode, because Jalessa's hair magically grew. No, she got a weave. I have no idea how she afforded it on her cafeteria salary.

Jaleesa helps Stevie clean the mess, which she attributes to Denise. Denise comes down and is late for class. So, she can't help. I was right. Jaleesa comments that Denise stinks to which she comments she's also a perfume thief.

Denise is in love with a guy she barely knows. Despite Jaleesa demanding Denise buy her more perfume, Whitley comes down and comments the perfume does stink. She's wearing red and black. Rocking a mini Chanel purse. She does her best to “help” clean up.

My maid usually does this for me.

She asks Stevie to be dorm monitor while calling her child unruly. She outright calls him unruly. I love that bitch. Stevie wants an election. She does seem pissed Whitley called T.J unruly.

I'll show you unruly.

Cut to the Pitt. Maggie, Jaleesa, and Denise discuss the boy she likes. Denise is pissed he cut class. Which is weird, because she explains to Jaleesa and Maggie she had no intentions of actually asking him out or making any moves. I guess she just wants to stalk him like Dwayne stalks her. Maggie encourages her to make the first movie. Jaleesa says she asked a boy out on the phone. She reveals it was her ex. Maggie mentions they are divorced but then back tracks. I want to mention, not only did it end a divorce but a lesbian hair cut as per episode two. Funny enough, Denise even mentions Dwayne when explaining why she doesn't want to make the first move. Jaleesa tries to give her confidence, but Maggie keeps accidentally putting salt in her game. I'm starting to think Maggie is a bit shady. I can't remember my first impression of Maggie when I first saw season one, because she is mostly annoying and forgettable. 

Another thing I've been noticing. I just have to mention. When Denise is in a scene with someone else, they always cut to her and then the other person/people. Look at this shot followed by this shot. This only happens with Denise. When other characters are together, they don't get these sort spotlight for lack of a better term.

Whitley is hanging up her dorm monitor campaign poster. The dorm's name is Gilbert. At first the sign looked like something a schizophrenic makes to remember who they are.

Who am I? Where am I?

Despite his “unruly”ness , Whitley enlisted T.J to help her. He apparently is dyslexic. Don't worry, his appearance is short.

Denise is pissed at the idea of Whitley Gilbert monitoring the dorms, because she can't follow rules. She tries to get Maggie to run, but despite being there a week, she's already involved in “five clubs and president of the classical tragedy society”.

Jalessa enters with one of the pralines Whitley is giving out. I'd vote for her. Bitch is giving pralines and chocolates. Before Jaleesa can be roped in, she senses something is a foot and tells them to fuck off.

They plead their case. Jaleesa explains she doesn't want the job, because it's shitty and it's snitching. Snitches get stitches.  

Snitches get stitches and end up in ditches! 

They try reverse psychiatry, but since they're morons Jaleesa doesn't fall for it. However, Whitley coming in with victory pralines and hubris makes Jaleesa decide to run. Whitley's outfit looks fab without the red sweater. I actually like Denise's outfit. I hate how it bares midriff when she stretches and don't like the leggings.

Whitley gives a boring speech and quotes a Diana Ross song. TJ is unruly and rides a toy.

Move out da way!

Denise nominates Jaleesa as candidate. In her own words, she's a good choice because she's the exact opposite of her.

Instead of a speech, Jaleesa does a question and answer session. We see the lesbian extra again. Whitley is pissed it's going well. Denise, for not running herself, is being a huge bitch to Whitley.

She's showing off her best move.

Just when I thought Dwayne wasn't in this episode, he walks in uninvited. Stevie promptly kicks him out. It feels like a PSA to show he's still on the show and still a rapist/stalker.

Remember me?

She does a Johnny Cochran style rhyming session. It boils down to anyone being a pig will have to wear a pig nose for a day.

Whitley gets a few votes, but Jaleesa wins by a landslide. Denise obnoxiously raises two hands. Whitley loses her shit. Everyone is delirious in chanting of “PIGNOSE!!!!!!”. This starting to look like Sesame Street on crack.

Denise asks Michael out while eating pizza. Not because she's a thoughtless bitch, she is, but it's a plot device He accepts. I don't know why anyone would want to go on a date with her. I also find it weird she invites him to a wine and cheese tasting hosted by a professor. It seems weird a professor would invited student without checking if they're 21. Being a sophomore, she should be about 19.

Whitley enters the common room the next day to find the pizza box and ants.

Whitley, like the true HBIC she is, enters the room. Wakes up Maggie and Jaleesa and demands Denise be made to wear the pig nose.

Maggie tries to guilt trip Jaleese, but before we can see how she feels about it the pig walks in. Denise doesn't deny doing it. She also outright tells Jaleesa she wants special treatment. Denise is being Denise. Forgetting she was the one who made Jaleesa run.

Bitch, please.

Jaleesa's not taking her shit. Maggie keeps talking about tragedies. I can't believe she lasted a whole season. Denise remembers she had a date, but Jaleesa doesn't care. She realizes Denise has been doing this inconsiderate stuff her whole life. Denise puts on the pig nose.

When leaving, she sees Whitley. OMG! Whitley is rewearing an outfit from episode two. Scandalous.

Dem legs!

Denise tries to hide her pignose while in the library. Dwayne comes in and even he is repulsed. Despite this, he does defend her when some extras laugh at her. He even volunteers to help her cancel her date with Michael. She's fine with him doing her bidding, but when he wants her to hang out she turns him down. Being a stalker, he's not deterred.

Michael shows up for their date. Denise pretends she's someone else. I find it weird she wants to go out on a date with a guy who doesn't even know what she looks like. Maggie comes in wearing a pig nose and almost blows her cover. Again, she's pretending it's on accident. I think Maggie is just shady.

Dwayne comes in and tries to make Michael think Denise doesn't like him.

Denise explains the situation to Michael. He's really understanding. He even borrows Maggie's pignose. I think he wants to get laid. Five minutes ago, he had no idea who Denise was. Denise goes off with him. I hope she did put out.

Dwayne is upset he was turned down.

Denise comes back with Michael/Maggie's pignose. Jaleesa teases her. We find out she didn't put out Michael. What a bitch. If my clothes were as disheveled as her's, I'd be putting out all the time. Never mind for a guy who was genuinely nice. Denise actually quotes her idol, porky pig.

That's not all, folks. I find it really weird everyone finds the pig nose so repulsive. It sort of reminds me of that movie, Penelope. I thought both Denise and Penelope looked cute in their pig noses. It's college. A time to experiment and be wild. I just find the students at Hillman are really mild and easily shocked and appalled.